do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
