I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
