He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
