My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
