Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
