Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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