Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
