When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
