I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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