Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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