I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
