he wants to bone in the snuggie
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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