Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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