My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize