i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
