I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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