Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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