Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
