So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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