Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
