NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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