I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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