what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize