who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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