1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
