If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
organizing the empties. That sober.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
