did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize