you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This house was built for laser tag.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
