you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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