she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize