I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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