I heard we made out
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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