is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize