Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
