Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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