My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
