Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
