YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
