No awkward lesbian experiences without me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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