what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Actions speak louder than pants.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize