ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i drank out of a bidet.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
