He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
