somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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