Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize