What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
