is wine microwaveable?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
