Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
