the condom got lost in my hair
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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