I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
