Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
