why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
