How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
