New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
