it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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