i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
