I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
