Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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