I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
