We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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