He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
