I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
