I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I faked an abortion last night.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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