if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
