Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
COCAINE IS GR8
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
