why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
