You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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