Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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