Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
