my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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