I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize