Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize