yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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