I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
