The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
