you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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