i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
