I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
