Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize