I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
