let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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