My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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