I'm going to jail i love you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
