I'm jealous of your bromance
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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