His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
