Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
