Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
