i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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