im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
