I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize