I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
