I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
