now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
