end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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