So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
