the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
a search helicopter?!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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