Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
