This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
