Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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