a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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