some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
its liver damage thursday
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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