Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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