Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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